Rolling Along

I find myself sitting at a desk that is too cluttered to do things efficiently, I have a pile of projects that are awaiting one thing or another to be done, and I have a heap of tasks yet to do in the near future. Get rid of one, another presents itself. Find a way to make it easy, more work. No matter which way I cut it, there should always be something on my plate, and honestly, I couldn't be happier. In the time it takes to pick oneself up and find a renewed vigor and to avidly want to change on a regular basis without disrupting the current, the present moment of things on that list of endless objectives, transformations take place at an incredible rate. In the grand scheme of things, enjoyment in ones tasks is just as important as honest communication or integrity in those jobs. One should never be satiated on the repetitive motions of things set to stone. If life is a journey, the way is quite often unpaved.

I start to clean halfheartedly, thinking about 15 different things and trying to sort out order of importance. I make another list. I sit and listen to music as a distraction so I can focus on my readings, those are easy(I think?). Frustration sets in as the findings are droning on, regurgitating the same information again and again, I start drifting to another project. I find a leather tool that matches what I last used, I wipe everything down, and realize my desk is a mess. I take time to clean it. I find the space for extra boxes and additions this week, looking at my amassing pile as a one-day investment. In time. 

I finish my work space, then pull another similar leather project and prepare them both for tooling and some stitching. I notice its been too quiet for too long and put on German lessons again. Those are going alright and every now and then I hear a word and have to hurriedly check the definition because it's a doozy. I find myself laughing when I make little mistakes because Im trying to say the words well enough. I finish the tooling on one project and move to the other, preparing the leather, starting the stamping. I take my time to register the parts so I dont miss a step, finishing my original idea and getting all the pieces ready for edge finishing then dying in the next couple days. I have two projects almost done, time for something else. 

I havent had a drink in too long I notice, I grab some water and realize Ive been sitting in the garage for hours and I am somewhat dehydrated. I take a few minutes to grab some food, drink a few more waters and migrate to my room. I spend time cleaning some of my old junk from my documents. I have been holding on to some stuff too long. I look at the pile of clothes waiting to be put away, the messy bed, and my growing collection of nick-knacks amassing on my table space. I shrug and walk out of my room no more ready to start that task than I was when I woke up this morning. I do notice, however, the laundry in the bathroom is pretty full and I need to do most of it tonight and in the morning, then I might tackle my room... probably. 

I find myself back in the garage, oh order more parts, peoples projects depend on it! I start googling business plan concepts for a few different projects, I look at pictures of boots for a pair I want, I can start to see my pinky toes from my current shoes, it happens. I look up ideas for some pvc and recyclable projects, that idea I had last night could work and be cheap, but I need to make sure it can handle weight. I find time to start a blog, stop it, move forward in finishing some projects, but decide I will do one for myself and make some terrain pieces for a future gaming table. It sounds fun and while I do it I watch a few ASL videos. My hands feel like puppets, and I stare at them too much. I also don't think I will ever get too great at watching it, but I am memorizing 'slow down' in muscle memory well enough. 

I spend more time writing the blog, I write a story, not a great story, but its okay. I need to practice my writing more, I keep telling myself to write another story sometime, one that has some substance, but its not terribly high on my things to do and I feel out of practice, errors in speech and word usage let alone the grammar is atrocious. Enough fighting it, practice makes perfect, so just keep doing it, even when its not as fun as you would like. Plus, why is it quiet again, you dont have the science news videos and pages up yet, make that happen. 

I spend time finishing and watching and reading what I veered away from earlier, finishing both projects and moving on to the week meals itinerary for a couple friends. I spend too much time pouring over it, but I like to know that I gave it an honest shot. I dont share recipes because I dont write recipes, and I definitely would have appreciated some help in how to stock my kitchen off the get-go without breaking my wallet. Dont get me wrong, I love to cook, but its expensive to make your kitchen able to make anything you want, when you want it. I hope its a resource as I hit send and move on. Time to find some side work out in the world. I end up with a few small jobs and some random tasks that don't have a definite time frame of starting, finding myself with some more eventual savings for my upcoming trip is more difficult than I would like with my growing need of supplies and dwindling budget. I have almost a month, shit, I have so much to do before I go. 

Doesnt matter, Im getting on the plane and it wont matter as soon as I do but I still have to face it when I return. I need to get as much as possible done. 

I pull out my math and physics stuff again, ugh I hate relearning things that you once knew well, its like pulling teeth. I decide mentally as I run out of another notepad to switch to my whiteboard when I could, I just destroy it all anyway when Im done, what does it matter? I find I finally get the theorem that has had me stuck a couple days, it wasnt as hard as I thought, I just needed to look at it a different way. Fun Fun, right?

I watch a few episodes of American Dad while I draft out two more cosplay/larp items for paying people that I have been putting off for too long. I make lists of my materials and double check it with what I have and what I just ordered earlier. I need more money. Ha. Slowly but surely I know I will find the way, but the little things add up, I find myself trying to talk to a few more people about upcoming work the next few weeks and pin down a more definite schedule. I make another list of objectives, similar but prioritized differently than before, I find myself shifting my perspective by the work I did and Im happy to make the leap. It has been a long time since I enjoyed myself in my pursuits and today has been fulfilling, moderately profitable and relatively calm. I finish at night after I eat in the evening with a reaching out to friends. I spend time on giving in to more research and readings, and find my eyes starting to hurt from all the use today. Its dark and things are cool so I play around outside with one of the dogs and the footwork drills I tried to bring to a fighter practice this week. I cant keep my hips underneath me that well yet, but its getting better. 

I go watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer after a while of dancing around the backyard, and draft up some designs for the businesses I wanted to get committed to paper. Another project for another day. I make another list, this time of things for one specific project, and I take the time to read over the weeks thoughts. I find a few interesting similarities in the days and the different ways I find projects that not only are enjoyable and fulfilling, they are also profitable in some way or another. I have begun to feel at peace in asking and wanting to work for what I want, and I find the things that make me at peace when I do them. I set my own schedule most often, and rarely am I without a task, so it is hard to be idle once again. I like to multitask and I need to foster that. The more I work, the more I receive, and the more value I have in that work. I just need to stay busy.